Acting on an impulse

I am not a naturally rebellious person. It is something that I just don't have in me. So, when I do want to do something different or drastic or oh-so-wild (I need to get out more). Anyway, my hair is the victim. 

Maybe I have been listening to too much Katy Perry and picked up on some subliminal messaging in her music. The message being something like "dye your hair a color that is not practical, slightly unnatural and you too will be as amazing as I am." 

*Confession of the night: I really like Katy Perry. Whatever. And she rocks rainbow colors in her hair. Maybe one day I will try out a blue bob? At this point, anything is possible. 

I love it

I have always wanted to dye my hair red. Like, really, really red. I had a stint in high school where I had slightly red hair, but this urge has been growing for a while. So, I did it. This weekend I went right ahead, and did it. I mean it's not THAT extreme... but it is extreme for me! 

Want to see a picture? Here you go..

 

Kidding... I don't have a picture of it yet. I'm sure I will post some pictures after Christmas vacation! Besides, Ariel has way better hair than I do... Depressing.

Keep away from children

This is the most boring thing I could find

Apparently I am not to be trusted with sharp objects. In the course of twenty-four hours I managed to injure myself twice. Not to make it sound like they were anything serious because they weren't, I am just a huge wimp.

I cut myself on my left palm in the perfect spot. And by that I mean even though it wasn't even deep, it kept on re-opening. Yay.

The next night, I was washing another knife and I somehow accomplished almost flaying my whole right thumb. I am obviously incompetent... and I had no idea. It's a good thing the knives that I own are horribly dull. Still, I thought I was old enough to handle holding a knife.

I guess that seems to be the regular theme of my life these days! I thought I was old enough to handle a lot of things. I, uh, I think I was wrong.

I hate to sound cliche, but it seems that sounding cliche has become my thing. As a kid, you are always imitating things, finding ways to appear older, to be more mature; although, it always seems to make you seem more like a child. I even remember thinking that I was mature and so "grow up". Hahahahaha.

Yeah, right.

Now as as a so-called adult (still laughable) I feel more like a child than ever before. Sometimes not fully equipped to appropriately handle what life throws at me.

My life is simple, yet complicated. A situation may seem simple, but my mind loves to turn such situations into a complete mess of thoughts and emotions. So, I am standing there, doing something as simple as washing a knife and next thing I know I have cut myself.

This was not my first knife washing experience. I have done it so many times before and had walked away without causing myself bodily harm, but it only takes one time to do some damage. It only takes one second of being distracted before you loose a thumb.

I realize that in this life we run into different obstacles and most of the time we are able to walk away without a scratch. Thinking nothing of what you just walked through.

While in other cases, we get hurt. I believe getting hurt is a necessary part of the human existence.  And sometimes, the pain we experience is a product of our own.

I'm not saying to not wash knives! I'm just saying, to myself more than anyone, to be careful when you do it... and pay attention. Even minor cuts hurt.

 

Who needs to sleep?

It is almost one in the morning and my brain apparently has forgotten that sleep is essential, even though I need to wake up early tomorrow.  My brain wants to pretend that my body doesn't need sleep... great. So, even though I probably should be going to bed, that just isn't going to happen anytime soon. (I'm a little bit of a lightweight when it comes to staying up late sometimes... Oh so lame.)

What has been on my mind that has been keeping me up? Well, that is a personal, private matter, and I am not going to tell you anything about it... But I will tell you about another time life apparently did not want to grant me any sleep, although I desperately wanted it.

Let's not...

I had my first "real" camping experience this summer. Sure, I have been camping once before with my family, but I was so young, I don't remember hardly anything. What I do remember is my mom telling me she would be sleeping in the van, and me being the youngest, I got to sleep in the van also. Perfect. Thank you mom. You taught me so much.

When I told some other friends and some of my family that I was going camping, the most common response was basically one of shock, followed by some form of laughter. Yeah, those responses were valid.

My friends decided to go to Yuba this summer and camp on the beach and go boating. I would be lying if I said I didn't have a good time. I totally did... but I would have to say that is was mostly due to the people I was with and the fact that we were mostly out on the boat all day. That part was amazing. Really. We laughed a lot and all had a really great time together and we listened to a lot of Spice Girls. Who wouldn't have a good time? I was actually just talking to Melissa about everything that happened that weekend and I have to admit that we made some really good memories.

So, was camping as horrible as I was predicting? No... and also yes. 

This is where the sleeping comes in - or doesn't.

First let me just say that it was so windy the whole weekend it was exhausting it literally exhausted me. The first night, the girls went to our tent and I was apprehensive. I had never really slept in a tent, camping before. It just isn't safe OK?

I admit, our set up was probably the best out of everyone else. Does that mean we got any sleep? Of course it doesn't. It was cold. It was windy. It was noisy. I wanted to cry. I might have freaked out a little bit. I was completely out of my element. I wanted a shower, and normal food, and my bed, and a toilet that flushed, and no sand in my eyes and mouth...

It was the longest night I could remember in a long time. It sounded like there was a group of people slapping the tent over and over and over and over again. In NEVER let up. EVER. The sand was everywhere. (Apparently I am a huge wuss and it is a good thing I was born into the life I was and the time I was. Seriously... it's a little pathetic).

I think we got a total of a couple hours sleep, if that. However, it didn't put a damper on the rest of the weekend. Especially since the next night, I got to sleep in a truck, tucked away nice and safe. Thanks boys!

This post is the worst flowing, most jumbled thing ever. Just like that last sentence.

Anyway, I think it is safe to say that I have had my fill of camping for the year. I'm glad for the experience, but I am also glad that it is winter and I won't have to worry about going camping until next summer.

I still don't understand the desire and love people have for camping. I like nature as much as the next person. (STOP LAUGHING! IT'S TRUE!) But at the end of the day, I need a home. Camping is kind of dirty and a lot of work. Regression - not my thing. We started building houses to live in for a reason, right? My idea of camping may or may not include an all inclusive resort. Just saying.

Camping obviously isn't my scene.

Happy

I have come to a lot of realizations this week; and I must say that it has been a tad overwhelming.

These past couple of months have come and gone like a whirlwind and I never took the time, or made the effort to really process everything that was going on in my own life.

I have always embraced change. I find it exciting and necessary. It is something that even though it might make me apprehensive, because of the inevitable adjustment that has to take place, it usually is all for the better. But what the problem I have is I don't ever take the time to transition. It's like when I am going swimming in an unheated pool. I don't wade in when I can just get it all over by jumping in the deep end.

For an example, when I graduated from college I just packed up and left. It wasn't even until after I was already on my way home that I realized I didn't even think about the fact that I was leaving the place that I had lived for the past five years of my life; the place I had made so many friends and memories and had shaped me into me.

In the past few months I have: moved to a new condo (also meaning new church ward), started a new job, bought a new car, gotten closer to some friends and grown apart from others. Yeah, OK, so it really doesn't seem like a big deal, but let me tell you something, it felt like a big deal when I realized what my life looks like now compared to a few months ago.

So, all of this stuff has happened and I hadn't really processed any of it. I was just swimming blissfully in the deep end. But this week, when I was on my way to my friend Melissa's apartment, I started drowning in all of these emotions of how my life has changed and was changing! Seriously? I felt so lame. But luckily for me, when I told Melissa, she reassured me that I hadn't lost my grip on reality. Well, not any more than I already had.

But basically it allowed me to reflect over the past little bit and realize how great my life has become and what things I maybe need to be better at doing. Nostalgia can be really great every once in a while.

What does this have to do with Thanksgiving? Well, I don't really know. I am sure I could figure out something. I guess I am trying to say that I am thankful for our ability as humans to change.

I have had a few conversations on human nature and change recently with a friend of mine. It always drives me crazy when people justify their horrible actions by saying "that's just the way I am." OK... great. Way to take no responsibility and I completely disagree. I do believe that your personality might incline you to certain behaviors. However, in the end you make the ultimate choices and you can change. Why would all the best movies have something called character development, if we couldn't? And thank Heaven we can, because if I couldn't be working on a part of myself or trying to improve, I would hate to see the type of person I would be.

Well, that was an unexpected rant. I am just saying that I am grateful that I can change and grow as a person so I can be happy and have a happy life. And I am thankful that I know that.

I am thankful I am happy.

Alright, now for the cliche Thanksgiving part that you all have not been waiting for.

I am thankful for so many things. One thing that I very, very, very thankful for?

My family...

Hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving.

I wish I was too good for reality TV...

Let's just get it all out there. I enjoy reality television to a point. I wish I was more sophisticated and could say that I was too good for that crap, but I'm not. Don't let your imagination run too wild; I mean, I don't watch Jersey Shore. Since The Hills, I have stayed away from MTV altogether. And I don't think I have seen a full season of most of these shows.

Alright, I am done defending myself. Well, almost.

I wouldn't say I am addicted to this usually sad, sad representation of American life but have you seen some of these gems? Intervention anyone? Hoarders? A&E are reality television masters. I will advise you stay away from the obsession one... My Crazy Obsession on TLC... I saw one episode about an "adult baby" and I have never been the same.


See? It's absolutely horrifying. It literally makes my stomach feel all sorts of uncomfortable.

He is an (over) grown man, that is pretending to be a baby... Is this creepy to anyone else?

The worst part about this episode? When he had a custom onesie made. Ew.

Moving on. Let me just say that I am grateful for my friends who gladly partake in this activity with me. 

Some reality TV treasures? In my opinion - and please forgive my bad taste - I have enjoyed many a moment with some fine folks bonding over a scripted reality TV debacle. (Side note, what does scripted reality TV mean? I really don't know). 

Alright, to start off the list of The Best of the Worst, we have a show I was able to discover just last night.

Made in Chelsea:

Think The Hills...but more money... and they are British.

Honestly, some of the stuff that comes out of these people's mouths are unbelievable. Seriously unbelievable. We had to rewind it to make sure it was really happening.

Hoarders: 

You know there is a dead cat in there somewhere right?

Oh this show freaks me out. I found it to be very helpful to watch while I was packing and moving. I threw away a ton of useless stuff and made moving that much easier. Bonus.

Married to Jonas:

Which Jonas Brother is that? 

I don't know anything about the Jonas Brothers, I never got into them. But that doesn't mean that this show isn't a nice way to unwind every once in a while. I think I have only seen two episodes. I know what you are thinking, "two episodes too many." Be original, that joke is tired.

Intervention:

Your family LOVES you!

This show is so good, and so depressing. Don't get sucked into a marathon of this show! Remember that torrential downpour of dark emotions anyone? Emily? Elizabeth?

Survivor:

Jeff, you always know what to say.

Yes, this show may have lost it's edge... after the first season. However, I got into it a few years back, and I am not upset about that. Every episode, I just wish I could try those challenges with my friends and family, and maybe my enemies so I can show them what's up.

Alright, that's it. I have only one left that I want to mention. I'm sure I missed out on all of your favorites, for my friends that will degrade their lives with such trash...

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills:

I'm sorry, but this show is so great. Kyle is my favorite. Is this show ridiculous? Of course it is! That's what makes it so fun. That's what makes most of these so fun.

I have shared too much. You all judged me didn't you? Dang.




*I couldn't include any food related shows, because that is a post all its own.

I Dislike Fishing.

I have no clue where this post is heading. Most likely it will consist mostly of rambling jargon. So if you don't speak gibberish, you won't understand anything in this post going forward.

I was taught to be an independent person. I was taught by my parents, many teachers, and (let's face it) life to be this way. I admit it too, I love being independent. Amazing things and experiences have resulted from this. But lately at church and in my life the topic of being too independent has been popping up.

I get it. Being too independent takes away from other qualities that make a well rounded person. We need to be self sufficient but not too prideful to accept help, (oops) and not too independent to think we can do everything on our own, without the help of (caution: religious belief up ahead) the Man upstairs.

What I have noticed as of late is that this attribute doesn't compliment another one I happen to possess... being shy and somewhat of an introvert. For obvious reasons, you can see how this can be a problem. Side note,  don't mistake being an introvert with being socially inept or awkward. Those things are not synonymous. 

Moving on, I have been blessed with really great relationships with amazing individuals and I would not trade those friendships for anything. So, I don't want this post to come off as being ungrateful or sounding as if I have no positive social experiences in my life. That is not the case.

What I am trying to get at - I think - is that dating is really stupid, to put it eloquently. And it is hard for me, partly because of what I took forever to explain a few paragraphs ago. I don't like putting myself out there on the line waiting for a fish to bite because I am a girl, and like most girls I don't think my bait is going to cut it. So I try and dress up my worm with fancy fishing crap that will hopefully catch the attention of some fish.

Why am I talking about fishing? I don't know anything about fishing...

And while I am sitting there with my pole, it is obvious I haven't a clue what I am doing. I don't have a lot of experience and it is so painfully obvious that it makes me want to run for it. I stand there awkwardly looking around, seeing what other people are doing, trying to mimic techniques here and there... and I fail. Some people you look at and you can tell they are seasoned fishers and they have already caught their catch of the day. And I am standing there like a fool; like a fool!

Anyway,  I can't see what is going on because the waters are so muddy and murky I don't have a chance at figuring out what is actually going on in this situation. I just have to wait for a fish. They are slippery devils! Kidding. But seriously. And then once every ten years a fish bites and I start to reel this sucker in and things seem to be going alright. I mean, sure, it's going to take some effort, but I start to think, "hey, this fish seems like a great catch" and then just like that, I have made a mistake, or he gets away, something happens, a fishing disaster. However,  sometimes (almost never) I do catch him, but I throw him back because he wasn't what I actually want, or because he's a mean fish.

Why is this on my mind? I could give you a couple of reasons.

As of late, I have been incredibly lucky in my life. Of course by lucky I mean blessed. I have a new job that is an amazing career opportunity. I love my job, the people I work with are amazing too. When I hear people complain about their job or their co-workers, I just give thanks again that I am where I am. And I am now financially stable. BONUS! Before, most of my stress was my finances. Now that I don't have to worry about that part of my life as much, I'm worrying about the potential I have to turn into a crazy cat lady before I hit the ripe age of 25. In case you don't know me very well (which weirds me out that you would be reading this) I love cats, so this is an actual possibility, not a vague joke most people throw around. It really could be my future.

Another reason? It's the holiday season. What a horrible time to be alone! Especially when I am the only single one left in my family and the only single person on my team and work! WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO FOR THE WORK HOLIDAY PARTY?

I apologize for my outburst.

Our company party is a few weeks away and the invitation is for me and a guest. Seriously? Crap. I don't have anyone I could ask. I could take a girl friend, but I feel that would make me pathetic and make it obvious I couldn't find a date. So, thinking about how I can't think of anyone I could even ask to take makes me feel like a ghastly, ugly worm at the end of a fishing line.

The best part is what people say to me about being single. Like being single is a disease or a condition. Or that maybe I am the disease or condition. I'm not even going to get into it because it actually makes the situation suck more.

I am happy. I am. I happy with who I am. I just wish that who "I am" didn't have to be alone all the time. Eh, whatever. There are worse things =)





This is an article focused on single LDS members who go to a family ward, but the analogy about the jacket fits all...http://www.lds.org/ensign/2002/06/singles-in-the-ward-family?lang=eng

Happy Birthday

Beginnings are hard. But so are endings. Turning twenty-four allowed me to feel the burden of both. Don't get me wrong, there is a lot of excitement and hope in my life to accompany me in this next chapter of my life. I can only pray that it will be a year as productive, reflective, and explosive as my twenty-third was.Yes, explosive.

Year twenty-three was a year of blessings. It was a celebration of youth and personal growth. I was able to accomplish goals that were years in the making. I graduated with a BA in Dance from BYU-Idaho. I like to pretend that a BA doesn't just stand for Bachelor of Arts, but Bad A**. Excuse my language but it was a rough and well fought title.

It wasn't as difficult transition as some made it out to be. I loved my college life. I loved working hard and the feeling of accomplishment. I loved the relationships that I nurtured and wish I would have nurtured more. It really was a place of self discovery; but when the time came for me to walk, it was time for me to walk away.

I have been back to visit only once and it was an experience to say the least. I was very happy to be back in my stomping grounds, except there was one problem. They weren't mine anymore. Getting to reunite with amazing friends, some of which I hadn't seen in years was seriously awesome. I wish I had better words to describe how much fun I had seeing close friends. Even through the blissful reunions however, was the unmistakable feeling that I no longer belonged in Rexburg. Thank Heaven right! Kidding. But in all seriousness, I remember one thing my Dad said to me, and when my Dad gives me advice I listen because he is usually right and he doesn't ever offer up fluff, he said to remember all the good things that BYU-I gave to me and all of the opportunities. And I will. I will forever cherish my time there and the people that I was able to meet and the challenges that I was able to face and overcome.

While I was twenty-three I was able to overcome so many personal fears and demons. Some of that was through personal reflection and self discovery. Some of that was by discovering others and learning from the example of peers and professors. I think you can learn so much from life just by opening yourself up to others and sharing in a vulnerability that allows you to grow. I wonder if I will ever stop being amazed be the trials that my friends and acquaintances have overcome. I hope not. And I hope that I can be an example like that.

Being only twenty-four years of age, I admit, I haven't even made a dent in my bucket list. Despite the fact that most things on my bucket list are ridiculously attainable. One thing I was able to cross off was to get a stamp in my passport! Easy right? Sure. But I had to get a passport first. I have been to Canada plenty of times, but I guess that doesn't count.  So, I got my passport and went to Cancun with Ma and Pop. It was incredible and I got to do another thing that I have always wanted to do. I got to set baby sea turtles free on the beach our last night there. I will never forget that trip for many reasons. It was a blast.

After summer was over I started my life as a graduated individual. I moved in with Hannah. She is a gem and it has been a great experience for me. I reconnected with some friends and strengthened those relationships and I have been blessed more than I can share. One relationship in particular is that with Emily. I would give an eye for that girl, and much more. I hope I can be as level headed and as strong as she is someday. I am in awe at whatever good I did in my life to have her in my life. Not only her but all these amazing friends that have continuously helped me through rough times and helped me have a fun time too. Because let's be honest, my friends are above average in every way.

Speaking of above average, I met some really great new friends as well. I was terrified to live in Utah. Well, because it's Utah. Sorry. I had a big wake up call when I started to make connections with people here. Again, I am so blessed with the relationships I have been able to make and maintain this past year.

One relationship I made sticks out more that others, and when I started this post, I had absolutely no intention of writing about it because of how fresh the wound is and how close I hold it to my heart. I won't go into much detail, but I can't leave out the experience because I grew so much as a person because of the experience.  After my first couple of months here I met a boy. We hit it off. We had a lot of fun and I wouldn't change a thing. It was a trusting, healthy, giving relationship and I am so grateful for it. He taught me a lot about myself and what I want in a future spouse. He taught me a lot about love and he allowed me to reach a certain vulnerable state with him that I have never been able to reach before. I know I am a better person because of it and because of him. I feel as if I am a better person because I was attached to him at all and because I was able to be close to such a genuine, giving person. I miss him. I miss us. But I know that Heavenly Father has a plan for both of us that, unfortunately, right now means separate paths.

So, twenty-three. I fell in love for the first time, and I fell out of love for the first time. It was a hard fall, but my life is great in the sense that I know everything will be OK. Better than OK even. My life now isn't at all what I had planned it to be, it's better and I have so much energy and anticipation for the life ahead of me. I am going to enjoy every moment I can, with those that I care about more and try to learn from the trials and experiences that come my way. I have learned so much this past year and I can't wait to learn more. I am so blessed, I can't properly express my gratitude. I just hope that I can share some of those blessings with those that I come in contact with.

Here is to a new year and hopefully a better me!

Final Cut

Sorry 2011 for falling short in the end with my posts!

Well, now that that is out of the way... Welcome 2012! I can't begin to express how much I have loved this year already. Even though it is filled with almost nothing but uncertainty and half-formed plans and possibilities, I am excited for every bit of it. The planner in me is still freaking out a little, so, of course I have some plans, but they aren't definite and I am actually enjoying my time exploring the unknown.

This year, I didn't write down any resolutions. In fact, I don't remember ever writing down any resolutions. I guess I can't take the pressure? Anyway. Why not write some here? A friend and I have one together to basically try not to be lame. So, there is one. My second one is to actually make some  resolutions for next year. I think that is a pretty good list right?

Alright, now on to the point of this post. But first we need a little back story. Last year my roommates and I didn't want to spend money and get each other gifts because we were poor college students and couldn't' really afford a gift for each person. So we compiled a list of songs and made a soundtrack for our personal lives that year and exchanged them all. It was kind of spectacular. Any time I need a piece of Emily Hale circa 2010, I just pop her music in and jam. Love!

Well, I graduated this past year (let's just say 2011 was so full of awesome, crazy events I couldn't wrap my head around a end of the year wrap up) and now I am a poor college grad. So I decided to create a soundtrack for 2011. I think I am going to make it a tradition.

Don't we look like capable college graduates? Thought so!

So, the moment you all have been waiting for! My final cut for 2011.

1. That's Life - Frank Sinatra
Starting off the list again. This has been my favorite song of his for years and I can't get enough. It has great swing to it and it is only fitting that it is the first song on my list.

2. Wish You Well - Katie Herzig
I was introduced to this song in Modern 440. Pretty much any song that takes me back to that class has a special place in my heart, because of all the wonderful memories. I miss the girls in that class more than anything. I would love nothing more than to be able to dance with them all again. It would be a dream come true. Also, the song is just really great, and I can relate to it in other ways as well.

3. More Than A Feeling - Boston
Brings me back to my childhood.

4. Uncharted - Sarah Bareilles
Pretty much my whole life after graduation has been uncharted territory, so there you have it.

5. La Vie En Rose - Sophie Milman
I love this song so much. It makes me feel like I am in Paris. One day, one day. Also, in one of my all time favorite movies, Audrey Hepburn sings and hums this song often as Sabrina. She also sings a rad song about Bananas, that one barely missed the cut for this list.

6. Lovelier Than You - B.o.B
I like it...

7. Slow Dancing in a Burning Room - John Mayer
Boom Boom. This song also made the cut last year. It is one of my all time favorites by him.

8. We Belong - Pat Benetar
It's no secret I love the 80's, especially select music from that era. This is a great time. Takes me back to school, rocking out in my car with Elizabeth. She never judged me for loving the 80's because she loves the 80's more than I do. It's true.

9. A Sunday Kind of Love - Beth Rowley
Modern day throw back.

10. The Profound Beauty Of It All - Kerry Muzzey
I used this song to choreograph my last piece ever as a BYU-I student. It was a very personal piece and it may be my favorite one that I ever did during my time there.

11. American Honey - Lady Antebellum
I had to put some type of country song on here, because I re-kindled a little bit of my love for country music this year. It is true. (See my July 4th post for part of the reason why!)

12. Bass Head - Bassnectur
This song is just plain awesome. Another shout out to Modern 440 and the dance ninja that it helped me become.

13. Teenage Dream - Katy Perry
Darn you Katy Perry! With your catchy lyrics and tunes. This song still makes me want to dance. (This song is also supposed to represent all of the mainstream pop music that I thoroughly enjoyed this year. I will not embarrass myself further by naming the actual artists)

14. The Edge - Lady Gaga
I can't believe I am putting this on the list... But I can't deny how much I relate to the opening line of this song. Also the music video reminds me a little of the 80's... (If you want to know why I love the 80's please see my earlier post on the 80's)

15. Wonderwall - Oasis
I like it...

16. Have a Little Faith in Me - John Hiatt
My love for this song came from my love of the scene it plays in in the movie Benny and Joon. Let's be honest. It is a great scene.

17. One and Only - Adele
This list would not be complete without sweet, musical genius Adele. She is amazing. It was so hard to choose between her songs. Pretty much her whole album belongs on here. But this one maybe more so than others.

18. Wouldn't it be Nice - The Beach Boys
This is still my favorite song by them. I love it. Everything the lyrics hope for and the upbeat lightness of the music. Perfect.

19. Yeah 3x - Chris Brown
Of course. This song is great. The music video even greater. So many dance parties have resulted from this song. Let's not even get into how much I like his music and amazing dance skills...