Beginnings are hard. But so are endings. Turning twenty-four allowed me to feel the burden of both. Don't get me wrong, there is a lot of excitement and hope in my life to accompany me in this next chapter of my life. I can only pray that it will be a year as productive, reflective, and explosive as my twenty-third was.Yes, explosive.
Year twenty-three was a year of blessings. It was a celebration of youth and personal growth. I was able to accomplish goals that were years in the making. I graduated with a BA in Dance from BYU-Idaho. I like to pretend that a BA doesn't just stand for Bachelor of Arts, but Bad A**. Excuse my language but it was a rough and well fought title.
It wasn't as difficult transition as some made it out to be. I loved my college life. I loved working hard and the feeling of accomplishment. I loved the relationships that I nurtured and wish I would have nurtured more. It really was a place of self discovery; but when the time came for me to walk, it was time for me to walk away.
I have been back to visit only once and it was an experience to say the least. I was very happy to be back in my stomping grounds, except there was one problem. They weren't mine anymore. Getting to reunite with amazing friends, some of which I hadn't seen in years was seriously awesome. I wish I had better words to describe how much fun I had seeing close friends. Even through the blissful reunions however, was the unmistakable feeling that I no longer belonged in Rexburg. Thank Heaven right! Kidding. But in all seriousness, I remember one thing my Dad said to me, and when my Dad gives me advice I listen because he is usually right and he doesn't ever offer up fluff, he said to remember all the good things that BYU-I gave to me and all of the opportunities. And I will. I will forever cherish my time there and the people that I was able to meet and the challenges that I was able to face and overcome.
While I was twenty-three I was able to overcome so many personal fears and demons. Some of that was through personal reflection and self discovery. Some of that was by discovering others and learning from the example of peers and professors. I think you can learn so much from life just by opening yourself up to others and sharing in a vulnerability that allows you to grow. I wonder if I will ever stop being amazed be the trials that my friends and acquaintances have overcome. I hope not. And I hope that I can be an example like that.
Being only twenty-four years of age, I admit, I haven't even made a dent in my bucket list. Despite the fact that most things on my bucket list are ridiculously attainable. One thing I was able to cross off was to get a stamp in my passport! Easy right? Sure. But I had to get a passport first. I have been to Canada plenty of times, but I guess that doesn't count. So, I got my passport and went to Cancun with Ma and Pop. It was incredible and I got to do another thing that I have always wanted to do. I got to set baby sea turtles free on the beach our last night there. I will never forget that trip for many reasons. It was a blast.
After summer was over I started my life as a graduated individual. I moved in with Hannah. She is a gem and it has been a great experience for me. I reconnected with some friends and strengthened those relationships and I have been blessed more than I can share. One relationship in particular is that with Emily. I would give an eye for that girl, and much more. I hope I can be as level headed and as strong as she is someday. I am in awe at whatever good I did in my life to have her in my life. Not only her but all these amazing friends that have continuously helped me through rough times and helped me have a fun time too. Because let's be honest, my friends are above average in every way.
Speaking of above average, I met some really great new friends as well. I was terrified to live in Utah. Well, because it's Utah. Sorry. I had a big wake up call when I started to make connections with people here. Again, I am so blessed with the relationships I have been able to make and maintain this past year.
One relationship I made sticks out more that others, and when I started this post, I had absolutely no intention of writing about it because of how fresh the wound is and how close I hold it to my heart. I won't go into much detail, but I can't leave out the experience because I grew so much as a person because of the experience. After my first couple of months here I met a boy. We hit it off. We had a lot of fun and I wouldn't change a thing. It was a trusting, healthy, giving relationship and I am so grateful for it. He taught me a lot about myself and what I want in a future spouse. He taught me a lot about love and he allowed me to reach a certain vulnerable state with him that I have never been able to reach before. I know I am a better person because of it and because of him. I feel as if I am a better person because I was attached to him at all and because I was able to be close to such a genuine, giving person. I miss him. I miss us. But I know that Heavenly Father has a plan for both of us that, unfortunately, right now means separate paths.
So, twenty-three. I fell in love for the first time, and I fell out of love for the first time. It was a hard fall, but my life is great in the sense that I know everything will be OK. Better than OK even. My life now isn't at all what I had planned it to be, it's better and I have so much energy and anticipation for the life ahead of me. I am going to enjoy every moment I can, with those that I care about more and try to learn from the trials and experiences that come my way. I have learned so much this past year and I can't wait to learn more. I am so blessed, I can't properly express my gratitude. I just hope that I can share some of those blessings with those that I come in contact with.
Here is to a new year and hopefully a better me!
