I Dislike Fishing.

I have no clue where this post is heading. Most likely it will consist mostly of rambling jargon. So if you don't speak gibberish, you won't understand anything in this post going forward.

I was taught to be an independent person. I was taught by my parents, many teachers, and (let's face it) life to be this way. I admit it too, I love being independent. Amazing things and experiences have resulted from this. But lately at church and in my life the topic of being too independent has been popping up.

I get it. Being too independent takes away from other qualities that make a well rounded person. We need to be self sufficient but not too prideful to accept help, (oops) and not too independent to think we can do everything on our own, without the help of (caution: religious belief up ahead) the Man upstairs.

What I have noticed as of late is that this attribute doesn't compliment another one I happen to possess... being shy and somewhat of an introvert. For obvious reasons, you can see how this can be a problem. Side note,  don't mistake being an introvert with being socially inept or awkward. Those things are not synonymous. 

Moving on, I have been blessed with really great relationships with amazing individuals and I would not trade those friendships for anything. So, I don't want this post to come off as being ungrateful or sounding as if I have no positive social experiences in my life. That is not the case.

What I am trying to get at - I think - is that dating is really stupid, to put it eloquently. And it is hard for me, partly because of what I took forever to explain a few paragraphs ago. I don't like putting myself out there on the line waiting for a fish to bite because I am a girl, and like most girls I don't think my bait is going to cut it. So I try and dress up my worm with fancy fishing crap that will hopefully catch the attention of some fish.

Why am I talking about fishing? I don't know anything about fishing...

And while I am sitting there with my pole, it is obvious I haven't a clue what I am doing. I don't have a lot of experience and it is so painfully obvious that it makes me want to run for it. I stand there awkwardly looking around, seeing what other people are doing, trying to mimic techniques here and there... and I fail. Some people you look at and you can tell they are seasoned fishers and they have already caught their catch of the day. And I am standing there like a fool; like a fool!

Anyway,  I can't see what is going on because the waters are so muddy and murky I don't have a chance at figuring out what is actually going on in this situation. I just have to wait for a fish. They are slippery devils! Kidding. But seriously. And then once every ten years a fish bites and I start to reel this sucker in and things seem to be going alright. I mean, sure, it's going to take some effort, but I start to think, "hey, this fish seems like a great catch" and then just like that, I have made a mistake, or he gets away, something happens, a fishing disaster. However,  sometimes (almost never) I do catch him, but I throw him back because he wasn't what I actually want, or because he's a mean fish.

Why is this on my mind? I could give you a couple of reasons.

As of late, I have been incredibly lucky in my life. Of course by lucky I mean blessed. I have a new job that is an amazing career opportunity. I love my job, the people I work with are amazing too. When I hear people complain about their job or their co-workers, I just give thanks again that I am where I am. And I am now financially stable. BONUS! Before, most of my stress was my finances. Now that I don't have to worry about that part of my life as much, I'm worrying about the potential I have to turn into a crazy cat lady before I hit the ripe age of 25. In case you don't know me very well (which weirds me out that you would be reading this) I love cats, so this is an actual possibility, not a vague joke most people throw around. It really could be my future.

Another reason? It's the holiday season. What a horrible time to be alone! Especially when I am the only single one left in my family and the only single person on my team and work! WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO FOR THE WORK HOLIDAY PARTY?

I apologize for my outburst.

Our company party is a few weeks away and the invitation is for me and a guest. Seriously? Crap. I don't have anyone I could ask. I could take a girl friend, but I feel that would make me pathetic and make it obvious I couldn't find a date. So, thinking about how I can't think of anyone I could even ask to take makes me feel like a ghastly, ugly worm at the end of a fishing line.

The best part is what people say to me about being single. Like being single is a disease or a condition. Or that maybe I am the disease or condition. I'm not even going to get into it because it actually makes the situation suck more.

I am happy. I am. I happy with who I am. I just wish that who "I am" didn't have to be alone all the time. Eh, whatever. There are worse things =)





This is an article focused on single LDS members who go to a family ward, but the analogy about the jacket fits all...http://www.lds.org/ensign/2002/06/singles-in-the-ward-family?lang=eng

Happy Birthday

Beginnings are hard. But so are endings. Turning twenty-four allowed me to feel the burden of both. Don't get me wrong, there is a lot of excitement and hope in my life to accompany me in this next chapter of my life. I can only pray that it will be a year as productive, reflective, and explosive as my twenty-third was.Yes, explosive.

Year twenty-three was a year of blessings. It was a celebration of youth and personal growth. I was able to accomplish goals that were years in the making. I graduated with a BA in Dance from BYU-Idaho. I like to pretend that a BA doesn't just stand for Bachelor of Arts, but Bad A**. Excuse my language but it was a rough and well fought title.

It wasn't as difficult transition as some made it out to be. I loved my college life. I loved working hard and the feeling of accomplishment. I loved the relationships that I nurtured and wish I would have nurtured more. It really was a place of self discovery; but when the time came for me to walk, it was time for me to walk away.

I have been back to visit only once and it was an experience to say the least. I was very happy to be back in my stomping grounds, except there was one problem. They weren't mine anymore. Getting to reunite with amazing friends, some of which I hadn't seen in years was seriously awesome. I wish I had better words to describe how much fun I had seeing close friends. Even through the blissful reunions however, was the unmistakable feeling that I no longer belonged in Rexburg. Thank Heaven right! Kidding. But in all seriousness, I remember one thing my Dad said to me, and when my Dad gives me advice I listen because he is usually right and he doesn't ever offer up fluff, he said to remember all the good things that BYU-I gave to me and all of the opportunities. And I will. I will forever cherish my time there and the people that I was able to meet and the challenges that I was able to face and overcome.

While I was twenty-three I was able to overcome so many personal fears and demons. Some of that was through personal reflection and self discovery. Some of that was by discovering others and learning from the example of peers and professors. I think you can learn so much from life just by opening yourself up to others and sharing in a vulnerability that allows you to grow. I wonder if I will ever stop being amazed be the trials that my friends and acquaintances have overcome. I hope not. And I hope that I can be an example like that.

Being only twenty-four years of age, I admit, I haven't even made a dent in my bucket list. Despite the fact that most things on my bucket list are ridiculously attainable. One thing I was able to cross off was to get a stamp in my passport! Easy right? Sure. But I had to get a passport first. I have been to Canada plenty of times, but I guess that doesn't count.  So, I got my passport and went to Cancun with Ma and Pop. It was incredible and I got to do another thing that I have always wanted to do. I got to set baby sea turtles free on the beach our last night there. I will never forget that trip for many reasons. It was a blast.

After summer was over I started my life as a graduated individual. I moved in with Hannah. She is a gem and it has been a great experience for me. I reconnected with some friends and strengthened those relationships and I have been blessed more than I can share. One relationship in particular is that with Emily. I would give an eye for that girl, and much more. I hope I can be as level headed and as strong as she is someday. I am in awe at whatever good I did in my life to have her in my life. Not only her but all these amazing friends that have continuously helped me through rough times and helped me have a fun time too. Because let's be honest, my friends are above average in every way.

Speaking of above average, I met some really great new friends as well. I was terrified to live in Utah. Well, because it's Utah. Sorry. I had a big wake up call when I started to make connections with people here. Again, I am so blessed with the relationships I have been able to make and maintain this past year.

One relationship I made sticks out more that others, and when I started this post, I had absolutely no intention of writing about it because of how fresh the wound is and how close I hold it to my heart. I won't go into much detail, but I can't leave out the experience because I grew so much as a person because of the experience.  After my first couple of months here I met a boy. We hit it off. We had a lot of fun and I wouldn't change a thing. It was a trusting, healthy, giving relationship and I am so grateful for it. He taught me a lot about myself and what I want in a future spouse. He taught me a lot about love and he allowed me to reach a certain vulnerable state with him that I have never been able to reach before. I know I am a better person because of it and because of him. I feel as if I am a better person because I was attached to him at all and because I was able to be close to such a genuine, giving person. I miss him. I miss us. But I know that Heavenly Father has a plan for both of us that, unfortunately, right now means separate paths.

So, twenty-three. I fell in love for the first time, and I fell out of love for the first time. It was a hard fall, but my life is great in the sense that I know everything will be OK. Better than OK even. My life now isn't at all what I had planned it to be, it's better and I have so much energy and anticipation for the life ahead of me. I am going to enjoy every moment I can, with those that I care about more and try to learn from the trials and experiences that come my way. I have learned so much this past year and I can't wait to learn more. I am so blessed, I can't properly express my gratitude. I just hope that I can share some of those blessings with those that I come in contact with.

Here is to a new year and hopefully a better me!

Final Cut

Sorry 2011 for falling short in the end with my posts!

Well, now that that is out of the way... Welcome 2012! I can't begin to express how much I have loved this year already. Even though it is filled with almost nothing but uncertainty and half-formed plans and possibilities, I am excited for every bit of it. The planner in me is still freaking out a little, so, of course I have some plans, but they aren't definite and I am actually enjoying my time exploring the unknown.

This year, I didn't write down any resolutions. In fact, I don't remember ever writing down any resolutions. I guess I can't take the pressure? Anyway. Why not write some here? A friend and I have one together to basically try not to be lame. So, there is one. My second one is to actually make some  resolutions for next year. I think that is a pretty good list right?

Alright, now on to the point of this post. But first we need a little back story. Last year my roommates and I didn't want to spend money and get each other gifts because we were poor college students and couldn't' really afford a gift for each person. So we compiled a list of songs and made a soundtrack for our personal lives that year and exchanged them all. It was kind of spectacular. Any time I need a piece of Emily Hale circa 2010, I just pop her music in and jam. Love!

Well, I graduated this past year (let's just say 2011 was so full of awesome, crazy events I couldn't wrap my head around a end of the year wrap up) and now I am a poor college grad. So I decided to create a soundtrack for 2011. I think I am going to make it a tradition.

Don't we look like capable college graduates? Thought so!

So, the moment you all have been waiting for! My final cut for 2011.

1. That's Life - Frank Sinatra
Starting off the list again. This has been my favorite song of his for years and I can't get enough. It has great swing to it and it is only fitting that it is the first song on my list.

2. Wish You Well - Katie Herzig
I was introduced to this song in Modern 440. Pretty much any song that takes me back to that class has a special place in my heart, because of all the wonderful memories. I miss the girls in that class more than anything. I would love nothing more than to be able to dance with them all again. It would be a dream come true. Also, the song is just really great, and I can relate to it in other ways as well.

3. More Than A Feeling - Boston
Brings me back to my childhood.

4. Uncharted - Sarah Bareilles
Pretty much my whole life after graduation has been uncharted territory, so there you have it.

5. La Vie En Rose - Sophie Milman
I love this song so much. It makes me feel like I am in Paris. One day, one day. Also, in one of my all time favorite movies, Audrey Hepburn sings and hums this song often as Sabrina. She also sings a rad song about Bananas, that one barely missed the cut for this list.

6. Lovelier Than You - B.o.B
I like it...

7. Slow Dancing in a Burning Room - John Mayer
Boom Boom. This song also made the cut last year. It is one of my all time favorites by him.

8. We Belong - Pat Benetar
It's no secret I love the 80's, especially select music from that era. This is a great time. Takes me back to school, rocking out in my car with Elizabeth. She never judged me for loving the 80's because she loves the 80's more than I do. It's true.

9. A Sunday Kind of Love - Beth Rowley
Modern day throw back.

10. The Profound Beauty Of It All - Kerry Muzzey
I used this song to choreograph my last piece ever as a BYU-I student. It was a very personal piece and it may be my favorite one that I ever did during my time there.

11. American Honey - Lady Antebellum
I had to put some type of country song on here, because I re-kindled a little bit of my love for country music this year. It is true. (See my July 4th post for part of the reason why!)

12. Bass Head - Bassnectur
This song is just plain awesome. Another shout out to Modern 440 and the dance ninja that it helped me become.

13. Teenage Dream - Katy Perry
Darn you Katy Perry! With your catchy lyrics and tunes. This song still makes me want to dance. (This song is also supposed to represent all of the mainstream pop music that I thoroughly enjoyed this year. I will not embarrass myself further by naming the actual artists)

14. The Edge - Lady Gaga
I can't believe I am putting this on the list... But I can't deny how much I relate to the opening line of this song. Also the music video reminds me a little of the 80's... (If you want to know why I love the 80's please see my earlier post on the 80's)

15. Wonderwall - Oasis
I like it...

16. Have a Little Faith in Me - John Hiatt
My love for this song came from my love of the scene it plays in in the movie Benny and Joon. Let's be honest. It is a great scene.

17. One and Only - Adele
This list would not be complete without sweet, musical genius Adele. She is amazing. It was so hard to choose between her songs. Pretty much her whole album belongs on here. But this one maybe more so than others.

18. Wouldn't it be Nice - The Beach Boys
This is still my favorite song by them. I love it. Everything the lyrics hope for and the upbeat lightness of the music. Perfect.

19. Yeah 3x - Chris Brown
Of course. This song is great. The music video even greater. So many dance parties have resulted from this song. Let's not even get into how much I like his music and amazing dance skills...