Happy

I have come to a lot of realizations this week; and I must say that it has been a tad overwhelming.

These past couple of months have come and gone like a whirlwind and I never took the time, or made the effort to really process everything that was going on in my own life.

I have always embraced change. I find it exciting and necessary. It is something that even though it might make me apprehensive, because of the inevitable adjustment that has to take place, it usually is all for the better. But what the problem I have is I don't ever take the time to transition. It's like when I am going swimming in an unheated pool. I don't wade in when I can just get it all over by jumping in the deep end.

For an example, when I graduated from college I just packed up and left. It wasn't even until after I was already on my way home that I realized I didn't even think about the fact that I was leaving the place that I had lived for the past five years of my life; the place I had made so many friends and memories and had shaped me into me.

In the past few months I have: moved to a new condo (also meaning new church ward), started a new job, bought a new car, gotten closer to some friends and grown apart from others. Yeah, OK, so it really doesn't seem like a big deal, but let me tell you something, it felt like a big deal when I realized what my life looks like now compared to a few months ago.

So, all of this stuff has happened and I hadn't really processed any of it. I was just swimming blissfully in the deep end. But this week, when I was on my way to my friend Melissa's apartment, I started drowning in all of these emotions of how my life has changed and was changing! Seriously? I felt so lame. But luckily for me, when I told Melissa, she reassured me that I hadn't lost my grip on reality. Well, not any more than I already had.

But basically it allowed me to reflect over the past little bit and realize how great my life has become and what things I maybe need to be better at doing. Nostalgia can be really great every once in a while.

What does this have to do with Thanksgiving? Well, I don't really know. I am sure I could figure out something. I guess I am trying to say that I am thankful for our ability as humans to change.

I have had a few conversations on human nature and change recently with a friend of mine. It always drives me crazy when people justify their horrible actions by saying "that's just the way I am." OK... great. Way to take no responsibility and I completely disagree. I do believe that your personality might incline you to certain behaviors. However, in the end you make the ultimate choices and you can change. Why would all the best movies have something called character development, if we couldn't? And thank Heaven we can, because if I couldn't be working on a part of myself or trying to improve, I would hate to see the type of person I would be.

Well, that was an unexpected rant. I am just saying that I am grateful that I can change and grow as a person so I can be happy and have a happy life. And I am thankful that I know that.

I am thankful I am happy.

Alright, now for the cliche Thanksgiving part that you all have not been waiting for.

I am thankful for so many things. One thing that I very, very, very thankful for?

My family...

Hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving.

I wish I was too good for reality TV...

Let's just get it all out there. I enjoy reality television to a point. I wish I was more sophisticated and could say that I was too good for that crap, but I'm not. Don't let your imagination run too wild; I mean, I don't watch Jersey Shore. Since The Hills, I have stayed away from MTV altogether. And I don't think I have seen a full season of most of these shows.

Alright, I am done defending myself. Well, almost.

I wouldn't say I am addicted to this usually sad, sad representation of American life but have you seen some of these gems? Intervention anyone? Hoarders? A&E are reality television masters. I will advise you stay away from the obsession one... My Crazy Obsession on TLC... I saw one episode about an "adult baby" and I have never been the same.


See? It's absolutely horrifying. It literally makes my stomach feel all sorts of uncomfortable.

He is an (over) grown man, that is pretending to be a baby... Is this creepy to anyone else?

The worst part about this episode? When he had a custom onesie made. Ew.

Moving on. Let me just say that I am grateful for my friends who gladly partake in this activity with me. 

Some reality TV treasures? In my opinion - and please forgive my bad taste - I have enjoyed many a moment with some fine folks bonding over a scripted reality TV debacle. (Side note, what does scripted reality TV mean? I really don't know). 

Alright, to start off the list of The Best of the Worst, we have a show I was able to discover just last night.

Made in Chelsea:

Think The Hills...but more money... and they are British.

Honestly, some of the stuff that comes out of these people's mouths are unbelievable. Seriously unbelievable. We had to rewind it to make sure it was really happening.

Hoarders: 

You know there is a dead cat in there somewhere right?

Oh this show freaks me out. I found it to be very helpful to watch while I was packing and moving. I threw away a ton of useless stuff and made moving that much easier. Bonus.

Married to Jonas:

Which Jonas Brother is that? 

I don't know anything about the Jonas Brothers, I never got into them. But that doesn't mean that this show isn't a nice way to unwind every once in a while. I think I have only seen two episodes. I know what you are thinking, "two episodes too many." Be original, that joke is tired.

Intervention:

Your family LOVES you!

This show is so good, and so depressing. Don't get sucked into a marathon of this show! Remember that torrential downpour of dark emotions anyone? Emily? Elizabeth?

Survivor:

Jeff, you always know what to say.

Yes, this show may have lost it's edge... after the first season. However, I got into it a few years back, and I am not upset about that. Every episode, I just wish I could try those challenges with my friends and family, and maybe my enemies so I can show them what's up.

Alright, that's it. I have only one left that I want to mention. I'm sure I missed out on all of your favorites, for my friends that will degrade their lives with such trash...

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills:

I'm sorry, but this show is so great. Kyle is my favorite. Is this show ridiculous? Of course it is! That's what makes it so fun. That's what makes most of these so fun.

I have shared too much. You all judged me didn't you? Dang.




*I couldn't include any food related shows, because that is a post all its own.

I Dislike Fishing.

I have no clue where this post is heading. Most likely it will consist mostly of rambling jargon. So if you don't speak gibberish, you won't understand anything in this post going forward.

I was taught to be an independent person. I was taught by my parents, many teachers, and (let's face it) life to be this way. I admit it too, I love being independent. Amazing things and experiences have resulted from this. But lately at church and in my life the topic of being too independent has been popping up.

I get it. Being too independent takes away from other qualities that make a well rounded person. We need to be self sufficient but not too prideful to accept help, (oops) and not too independent to think we can do everything on our own, without the help of (caution: religious belief up ahead) the Man upstairs.

What I have noticed as of late is that this attribute doesn't compliment another one I happen to possess... being shy and somewhat of an introvert. For obvious reasons, you can see how this can be a problem. Side note,  don't mistake being an introvert with being socially inept or awkward. Those things are not synonymous. 

Moving on, I have been blessed with really great relationships with amazing individuals and I would not trade those friendships for anything. So, I don't want this post to come off as being ungrateful or sounding as if I have no positive social experiences in my life. That is not the case.

What I am trying to get at - I think - is that dating is really stupid, to put it eloquently. And it is hard for me, partly because of what I took forever to explain a few paragraphs ago. I don't like putting myself out there on the line waiting for a fish to bite because I am a girl, and like most girls I don't think my bait is going to cut it. So I try and dress up my worm with fancy fishing crap that will hopefully catch the attention of some fish.

Why am I talking about fishing? I don't know anything about fishing...

And while I am sitting there with my pole, it is obvious I haven't a clue what I am doing. I don't have a lot of experience and it is so painfully obvious that it makes me want to run for it. I stand there awkwardly looking around, seeing what other people are doing, trying to mimic techniques here and there... and I fail. Some people you look at and you can tell they are seasoned fishers and they have already caught their catch of the day. And I am standing there like a fool; like a fool!

Anyway,  I can't see what is going on because the waters are so muddy and murky I don't have a chance at figuring out what is actually going on in this situation. I just have to wait for a fish. They are slippery devils! Kidding. But seriously. And then once every ten years a fish bites and I start to reel this sucker in and things seem to be going alright. I mean, sure, it's going to take some effort, but I start to think, "hey, this fish seems like a great catch" and then just like that, I have made a mistake, or he gets away, something happens, a fishing disaster. However,  sometimes (almost never) I do catch him, but I throw him back because he wasn't what I actually want, or because he's a mean fish.

Why is this on my mind? I could give you a couple of reasons.

As of late, I have been incredibly lucky in my life. Of course by lucky I mean blessed. I have a new job that is an amazing career opportunity. I love my job, the people I work with are amazing too. When I hear people complain about their job or their co-workers, I just give thanks again that I am where I am. And I am now financially stable. BONUS! Before, most of my stress was my finances. Now that I don't have to worry about that part of my life as much, I'm worrying about the potential I have to turn into a crazy cat lady before I hit the ripe age of 25. In case you don't know me very well (which weirds me out that you would be reading this) I love cats, so this is an actual possibility, not a vague joke most people throw around. It really could be my future.

Another reason? It's the holiday season. What a horrible time to be alone! Especially when I am the only single one left in my family and the only single person on my team and work! WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO FOR THE WORK HOLIDAY PARTY?

I apologize for my outburst.

Our company party is a few weeks away and the invitation is for me and a guest. Seriously? Crap. I don't have anyone I could ask. I could take a girl friend, but I feel that would make me pathetic and make it obvious I couldn't find a date. So, thinking about how I can't think of anyone I could even ask to take makes me feel like a ghastly, ugly worm at the end of a fishing line.

The best part is what people say to me about being single. Like being single is a disease or a condition. Or that maybe I am the disease or condition. I'm not even going to get into it because it actually makes the situation suck more.

I am happy. I am. I happy with who I am. I just wish that who "I am" didn't have to be alone all the time. Eh, whatever. There are worse things =)





This is an article focused on single LDS members who go to a family ward, but the analogy about the jacket fits all...http://www.lds.org/ensign/2002/06/singles-in-the-ward-family?lang=eng